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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I dared my friends to choose any show for me to watch in one sitting.

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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The rules say bulling but it doesn't say I can't bully people

1 upvotes • FoxFaxion
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A florist named Chris started a band with 3 stay at home mum's in the neighborhood...

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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I’m always happier when drunk

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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''I cheated on you with your bestfreind'' My girlfriend said.

1 upvotes • intodadepths333
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Last night she said, "I love you too".

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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As a veterinarian I routinely neuter male dogs and cats, but I am notoriously clumsy.

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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"One of these days, you're going to get stabbed to death" reprimanded his wife

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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Just as His Lordship was exiting the theater, I realized I'd left the royal passcodes on top of the doorway canopy. So I shouted at the usher:

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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"Haha Edwin, look I've got first place in the Domestic Violence competition" celebrated John.

1 upvotes • Obsidian_Revenger
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