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/u/awesomo_prime's posts

When I was a little girl, I'd dream of stabbing my mother while I hummed a creepy tune.

307 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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Kill a would-be mugger with a gun, and I'm called a hero.

289 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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"Nothing is free," Santa said while dragging his sack towards the chimney with my sister in it.

258 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I put my niece to clean the kitchen so she can buy herself a bicycle with chore money.

215 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I overheard my wife talking to fridge about the best way to murder me.

213 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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Santa gave me a shotgun.

205 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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Too broke for even the cheapest insurance, Jeff gave little Debbie some alcohol to ease her pain.

198 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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"Being bitten is better than a recession", declared the governor.

189 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I got promoted!

165 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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"The only good cop is a dead cop," the man remarked before executing the new recruit.

145 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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