/u/AZMixedDad's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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Only show posts with narrations

My father always told me, "Don't be in too big a hurry to grow up, it's a trap."

28 upvotes

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I overheard my overly dramatic teenage daughter complaining on the phone with her friend that she "like, literally, can't even get out of bed," after I grounded her to her room.

26 upvotes

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At first we thought it was a surprise eclipse, as the sun quickly disappeared into a dark circle.

23 upvotes

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Society cheered, but the death-row inmates sat silently watching the live broadcast as the votes were counted.

23 upvotes

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Having read enough horror stories about time travellers ending up in the middle of space because the earth wasn't in the same spot, I calculated the exact moment when I could safely travel into the future.

18 upvotes

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When asked how I looked 25 at 40 and now 30 at 50, I just give a coy smile and say something about an active lifestyle and my own special skin care regimen.

18 upvotes

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Hindus call it reincarnation.

17 upvotes

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I thought trading my soul to the devil for immortality would be the perfect loophole, afterall, if I never die, then he can't collect right?

14 upvotes

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I was a little hesitant to volunteer for the experiment with the goal of making humans immune to snake venom.

14 upvotes

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Analysis of the arctic ice cores revealed some very strange findings.

12 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
My father always told me, "Don't be in too big a hurry to grow up, it's a trap."	28
I overheard my overly dramatic teenage daughter complaining on the phone with her friend that she "like, literally, can't even get out of bed," after I grounded her to her room.	26
At first we thought it was a surprise eclipse, as the sun quickly disappeared into a dark circle.	23
Society cheered, but the death-row inmates sat silently watching the live broadcast as the votes were counted.	23
Having read enough horror stories about time travellers ending up in the middle of space because the earth wasn't in the same spot, I calculated the exact moment when I could safely travel into the future.	18
When asked how I looked 25 at 40 and now 30 at 50, I just give a coy smile and say something about an active lifestyle and my own special skin care regimen.	18
Hindus call it reincarnation.	17
I thought trading my soul to the devil for immortality would be the perfect loophole, afterall, if I never die, then he can't collect right?	14
I was a little hesitant to volunteer for the experiment with the goal of making humans immune to snake venom.	14
Analysis of the arctic ice cores revealed some very strange findings.	12