/u/Cartmansimon's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I though nothing could be worse than finding out my husband was a serial killer.

1422 upvotes

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My pastor rejoiced when I told him I’d found my faith again.

114 upvotes

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Today on my 76th birthday I got hundreds of thousands of messages wishing me a happy birthday.

40 upvotes

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“Goodnight mommy, I love you too”.

22 upvotes

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At last, with your death your species will finally be eradicated from earth, said the alien.

17 upvotes

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Flushed with the excitement of the sacrifice, my cult asked when is the next one?

15 upvotes

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My girlfriend was complaining that’s she’s gained over 30 pounds since we started dating, but I told her that’s ok I like a girl with some meat on her bones.

3 upvotes

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Everything I’ve read says cross species breeding is impossible, so I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Now I’m quite worried as to what exactly my dog is pregnant with.

1 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I though nothing could be worse than finding out my husband was a serial killer.	1422
My pastor rejoiced when I told him I’d found my faith again.	114
Today on my 76th birthday I got hundreds of thousands of messages wishing me a happy birthday.	40
“Goodnight mommy, I love you too”.	22
At last, with your death your species will finally be eradicated from earth, said the alien.	17
Flushed with the excitement of the sacrifice, my cult asked when is the next one?	15
My girlfriend was complaining that’s she’s gained over 30 pounds since we started dating, but I told her that’s ok I like a girl with some meat on her bones.	3
Everything I’ve read says cross species breeding is impossible, so I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Now I’m quite worried as to what exactly my dog is pregnant with.	1