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/u/Dominicmeoward's posts

My girlfriend once caught me masturbating to an optical illusion.

984 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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There was a zoo escape today.

179 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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I called my best friend Immediately after I discovered my mother had been murdered.

112 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I used to be a conductor in the subway.

21 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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I jumped out the window from the first floor.

18 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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I used to be a judge who specializes in religious criminal cases.

15 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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The nurse said to me “in order to test for the flu I’m going to have to stick these Q-Tips way up your nose.”

6 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I just had sex for the first time in 20 years.

4 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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I just had sex for the first time.

3 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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“You sleep very quietly, even for a murder victim,” said my little sister.

1 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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