/u/Pearse_Borty's posts
[WP] You and your friends are locked in a mansion with a monster with seemingly mystical powers. Bizarrely, they can only attack when their victim recognises their existence, and that's why it is doing everything it can to make its presence known.
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[WP] SiloCorp's biomechs are amongst the most feared WMDs in the entire galaxy. It is said that a single mech is capable of wiping out the armies of entire nations. SiloCorp is now frustrated because the latest models have all passed the Turing test, and almost none of them want to kill anything.
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[WP] You, a lord of hellfire and terror, cannot understand how a single group of "heroes", has defeated entire legions of doom through breakdancing and hip-hop. You can't deny it though; they've got killer moves.
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[WP] One minute, you were a janissary fighting for the British Empire sent to India to try and quell some "errant rebels". Now it would appear that you are fending off the beginnings of an alien invasion. And horrifyingly, they're coming for Britain's most precious beverage...The Tea.
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[EU] Stanley came to a set of two open doors, and entered the door on his left to progress the story. What the Narrator failed to mention to Stanley was the double-barrelled shotgun, or the relentless denizens of Lovecraftian monsters coming to kill him.
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[WP] Cheesemongers are amongst the most feared sorcerers in the world. Or rather, they were, until one day they mysteriously disappeared into the annals of legend. But now they're coming back with a vengeance, and the kingdoms are calling for warriors to come to their aid.
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[WP] The emperor is dead, passing away from a life-long crippling illness. The news hasn't spread across the realm yet...and one plucky scullery boy is about to take his one and only shot at the crown.
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[WP] Five years ago, you and your comrades were captured by hostile insurgents, but they spared your lives for your incredible musical abilities. Your squad's prowess became the awe of militaries across the globe, and kept you all alive. You are the War Band, and nothing will tear you apart.
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[WP] You have aggravated a horde of zombies, and now they won't stop chasing yoy. Desperate to find a solution you beg a number of priests and monks for a solution, and only one of them proves effective... Father Asskick.
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[RF] "Tell me this, is a gummy fish an actual fish?" "Well, its an abstraction of a fish, a facsimile of-" "Oh shut up with your abstraction nonsense, what I'm really asking is do you have to pretend everything that exists is a punishment? Because thats where thinking in metaphors lead you."
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