/u/decorativegentleman's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

Year:

I poked holes in all of my boyfriend’s condoms, hoping that it would finally put an end to the abuse.

2855 upvotes

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Ever since my arm was severed in the basement, I’ve suffered from a phantom limb.

2431 upvotes

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The message in my fortune cookie read: ‘Your death will not come unexpectedly.’

2377 upvotes

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[OCT21] I never would have brought my wife and newborn son to the Renaissance Fair if I had known…

1523 upvotes

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“Avada Kedavra!” I shouted, before watching the insufferable teen wizard fall in a flash of green light.

1446 upvotes

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Our fight over who would have custody of our son was so consuming that both of us forgot to pick him up from soccer practice.

1407 upvotes

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I had never seen the edge of a sheet of paper so clearly before.

1356 upvotes

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“Baby, I’m—I’m coming!” I shouted with sickening glee as I watched the life fade from her eyes.

1183 upvotes

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He told me to go eat a bag of dicks.

1143 upvotes

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I’ve always heard it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop.

1098 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I poked holes in all of my boyfriend’s condoms, hoping that it would finally put an end to the abuse.	2855
Ever since my arm was severed in the basement, I’ve suffered from a phantom limb.	2431
The message in my fortune cookie read: ‘Your death will not come unexpectedly.’	2377
[OCT21] I never would have brought my wife and newborn son to the Renaissance Fair if I had known…	1523
“Avada Kedavra!” I shouted, before watching the insufferable teen wizard fall in a flash of green light.	1446
Our fight over who would have custody of our son was so consuming that both of us forgot to pick him up from soccer practice.	1407
I had never seen the edge of a sheet of paper so clearly before.	1356
“Baby, I’m—I’m coming!” I shouted with sickening glee as I watched the life fade from her eyes.	1183
He told me to go eat a bag of dicks.	1143
I’ve always heard it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop.	1098