/u/fourtaco's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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Only show posts with narrations

What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

267 upvotes

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I’m an ER nurse and last night I found a rectal thermometer in my pocket.

169 upvotes

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Even though the sun was blocked in the sky, I found myself mesmerized.

130 upvotes

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“Open wider please.”

114 upvotes

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Hell burned hot in the belly of the beast.

94 upvotes

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I try not to talk like a frog

68 upvotes

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The tape was very relaxing, telling me to breath in and breath out.

6 upvotes

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Last night I lay in bed in total silence with the crazy feeling I was being watched.

5 upvotes

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Last night I lay in bed in total silence with the crazy feeling I was being watched.

2 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?	267
I’m an ER nurse and last night I found a rectal thermometer in my pocket.	169
Even though the sun was blocked in the sky, I found myself mesmerized.	130
“Open wider please.”	114
Hell burned hot in the belly of the beast.	94
I try not to talk like a frog	68
The tape was very relaxing, telling me to breath in and breath out.	6
Last night I lay in bed in total silence with the crazy feeling I was being watched.	5
Last night I lay in bed in total silence with the crazy feeling I was being watched.	2