/u/latchkey_49's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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The latest studies statistically confirm that suicide rates increase in spring rather than during winter holiday months.

48 upvotes

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I screamed, “I am not a horrible person who would thoughtlessly kill innocents!”

47 upvotes

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I pray to my savior, the lord and the son of God to bless me on this day.

44 upvotes

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Every once in a while I wink at him as he shaves or brushes his teeth at the mirror.

42 upvotes

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I was drunk and bored so I said, “Hey, Siri Knock Knock.”

37 upvotes

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I have been the third wheel roommate of so many dysfunctional couples that I can literally see the future.

34 upvotes

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I told them that we ran into a horrible incident out at sea after they asked me what had happened to the rest of my crew.

33 upvotes

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The executioner tightened the noose around my neck and whispered, “We cut the rope to snap before your neck does so fly like a bat out of Hell.”

31 upvotes

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I rented a house because I was kept awake by my neighbors and the noise they made at my apartment complex.

31 upvotes

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I went outside to see who was running back and forth on my front porch.

26 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
The latest studies statistically confirm that suicide rates increase in spring rather than during winter holiday months.	48
I screamed, “I am not a horrible person who would thoughtlessly kill innocents!”	47
I pray to my savior, the lord and the son of God to bless me on this day.	44
Every once in a while I wink at him as he shaves or brushes his teeth at the mirror.	42
I was drunk and bored so I said, “Hey, Siri Knock Knock.”	37
I have been the third wheel roommate of so many dysfunctional couples that I can literally see the future.	34
I told them that we ran into a horrible incident out at sea after they asked me what had happened to the rest of my crew.	33
The executioner tightened the noose around my neck and whispered, “We cut the rope to snap before your neck does so fly like a bat out of Hell.”	31
I rented a house because I was kept awake by my neighbors and the noise they made at my apartment complex.	31
I went outside to see who was running back and forth on my front porch.	26