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/u/mydadsnameisharold's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

I came up with a game to keep my toddler cousins entertained...

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My girlfriend loves when I get her pregnant.

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TIL if you pull in the wrong direction their finger nail might tear instead of coming off in one piece.

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Our new recipe passed the blind taste test.

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I woke to his voice, "You'll have a headache for a couple days, but the transplant was a complete success."

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It takes a long time to clean your nails after cutting somebody.

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“Bitches in Heat” is one of my all time favorite videos.

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“If you’ve really been in love with me since we were kids, then you’d be an idiot not to kiss me and ask me upstairs.”

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How blue can you get, baby?

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Today my manager asked me to come in early because she needed someone to heat and serve free samples of the precooked pork tenderloin.

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