/u/sugar-soad's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

I kept hitting the giant mouse on the head with a bat until it stopped moving

433 upvotes

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I felt the cold clammy hands on my neck and knew that I was in for another night of torture

385 upvotes

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I smashed the hammer down repeatedly on the head as my husband screamed at me to stop

340 upvotes

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I smashed my mother in the head with a bat when she turned into one of the undead

337 upvotes

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I charged out with my mighty sword and attacked the evil dragon that had appeared outside

332 upvotes

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I love to go to IKEA and then wander around trying to pronounce the names of the furniture

331 upvotes

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As I stumbled home drunk, I spotted the mythical creature and tackled it to the ground

323 upvotes

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My son is not the smartest person in the world, and his favourite thing to do is spend hours staring at the television

314 upvotes

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I love to get up early in the morning and rearrange the furniture in my home, by moving it a few inches

303 upvotes

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My father was adamant that I would never win a beauty contest and demanded a recount of the votes

302 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I kept hitting the giant mouse on the head with a bat until it stopped moving	433
I felt the cold clammy hands on my neck and knew that I was in for another night of torture	385
I smashed the hammer down repeatedly on the head as my husband screamed at me to stop	340
I smashed my mother in the head with a bat when she turned into one of the undead	337
I charged out with my mighty sword and attacked the evil dragon that had appeared outside	332
I love to go to IKEA and then wander around trying to pronounce the names of the furniture	331
As I stumbled home drunk, I spotted the mythical creature and tackled it to the ground	323
My son is not the smartest person in the world, and his favourite thing to do is spend hours staring at the television	314
I love to get up early in the morning and rearrange the furniture in my home, by moving it a few inches	303
My father was adamant that I would never win a beauty contest and demanded a recount of the votes	302