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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I'm a very good listener, despite what my family claims.

55 upvotes • TimeLuckBug
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I had promised myself that I would make 10000$ off sports betting this year.

55 upvotes • suckysucky68
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I was eating my pickle.

55 upvotes • BritishRemote
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I drank the entire bottle of whiskey in front of the customs agents out of spite.

54 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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I was surrounded by dozens all pointing and laughing at me…..

54 upvotes • Borckschav
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I had sex with a lemon, it gave me lemon aids

54 upvotes • thatoneawkwarduser
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Onwards Micky ran, frantically trying to keep ahead of the other contenders, desperately dodging the treacherous obstacles the Gods towering overhead had boobytrapped the labyrinth with.

54 upvotes • mediamusing
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I just finished urinating in the toilet, ready to finish the day.

54 upvotes • YourAverageRedRum
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I think my mom see me as an iPhone or an Android or something

54 upvotes • kaijisheeran
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"I'm sorry for not recognizing you son, Alzheimer's been hitting pretty bad lately"

54 upvotes • chingudo
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