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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

At the beginning of December my nemesis, claiming a moment of clarity, gave me a peanut butter smoothie as a peace offering.

55 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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I couldn't stand being on a wheelchair

55 upvotes • OreMysticCoolcumber
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I'm a very good listener, despite what my family claims.

55 upvotes • TimeLuckBug
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Some people call me an alcoholic because I have to drink bourbon and coke every day just to get by.

55 upvotes • LiquidPenChamber1019
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A man was rushed into the hospital after he swallowed a toy horse.

55 upvotes • CustardSkully
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Oh shit, Victor, invisible man has escaped from his cell!

55 upvotes • IronMongerVi
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My buddy annoyingly made the studfinder beep whenever he pointed at himself.

55 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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I had promised myself that I would make 10000$ off sports betting this year.

55 upvotes • suckysucky68
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Barbie has had many powerful careers such as doctor, astronaut and business executive.

55 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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Here's a new time travel joke for your enjoyment.

55 upvotes • NoaWhan
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