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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

After being arrested, I was amazed at the coronavirus response that the prison had implemented.

8 upvotes • [deleted]
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"Get a job, you bum!"

8 upvotes • [deleted]
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I struggled with assembling some IKEA furniture as my friend walked in on me, laughed and said "Why are you struggling so much? It's a piece of cake!".

8 upvotes • ALEX-1-12-5-24
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I kept on hearing repeated clicks, so I decided to investigate.

8 upvotes • bluesheepreasoning
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[OCT2020] Funerals are great, except when slackers get caught abusing their state-mandated bereavement leaves.

8 upvotes • cindybubbles
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Celebrity look alike are overstated anyway, especially with my cliche long black hair that drapes around my plump lips and petite body..

8 upvotes • anon9876543210nymous
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I saw a monster today, the most vile and hideous creature I've ever laid my eyes on

8 upvotes • [deleted]
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Having unprotected sex with a stranger is about as smart as running into a burning building.

8 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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As I was drawing up the sheriff’s will, he asked me to tell his deputy to collect all the townspeople’s guns and bury them with the sheriff when he dies.

8 upvotes • cindybubbles
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"Papa, I'm terrified. What if everyone in the country gets Polio?"

8 upvotes • [deleted]
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