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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

Decided to surprise my daughter for her birthday by having a puppy jump out of her cake

6 upvotes • [deleted]
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The pet cat earnestly climbed on my shoulder like a faithful parrot.

6 upvotes • Sweet_Neighborhood10
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My friend love his rehab so much....

6 upvotes • Born_Spell_1192
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Do you know what gas costs these days? NSFW

6 upvotes • circumcision_vaccine
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People look so stupid driving in their cars and they think they're so f*cking smart, but they get stuck in traffic.

6 upvotes • [deleted]
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How come during Halloween kids can go to random people's houses to get candy, but it's illegal for them to come to my van for candy?

6 upvotes • --I_Am_Fabulous_--
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"No!" The man cried out in his dying state, haemorrhaging blood onto the sidewalk.

6 upvotes • JohnPaulEdwards
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I found the perfect gift for my late friend.

6 upvotes • NoaWhan
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I complained to the genie about none of my wishes being granted.

6 upvotes • Rueebee
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Fellow this simple life hack to never do homework agian!

6 upvotes • This_Mind_Of_Mine
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