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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

That drummer is drumming to my heartbeat.

1 upvotes • apinchofpinches
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My heart goes out for the father who shot his wife on accident. NSFW

1 upvotes • Bobnificent
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Tomorrow I intend to be like Trump.

1 upvotes • makejokesandchewgum
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Wait so you actually got polested? NSFW

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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On my first day at my new job I cornered a giant mouse in a corner and tried to kill it

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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I wondered why she was so good at giving blow jobs and then I got the answer when I late noticed the Adam's apple on her neck. NSFW

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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Don't tie someone to a relationship

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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I left the bathroom and was immediately greeted by the sight of a very rotund middle-aged asian man waddling down the hallway, breath coming in short gasps, eyes wide with horror as he furiously clenched.

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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I left the bathroom and was immediately greeted by the sight of a very rotund middle-aged asian man waddling down the hallway, breath coming in short gasps, eyes wide with horror as he furiously clenched his cheeks.

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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I threatened to kick my roommate out if he kept stealing my stuff, and last night, he stole my last drinking utensil.

1 upvotes • [deleted]
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