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/r/dadjokes

I quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights were too heavy…

241 upvotes • Left-Distribution-13
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Hey Siri, why am I so bad with the ladies?

237 upvotes • thesonofmisery_
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My kids don't believe me

230 upvotes • modessitt
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Someone complimented my parking today.

225 upvotes • GiborDesign
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Did you hear that Lorena Bobbit got into a car accident? NSFW

225 upvotes • Illustrious_Ad4691
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How does a male chemist flirt with a female chemist?

219 upvotes • DENelson83
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I called my boss and faintly whispered that I quit.

219 upvotes • Cultural_Card_2603
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What do you call a knight who refuses to fight?

214 upvotes • kataklysmyk
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My grandfather said back in the fay, he could go to the grocery store with 2 dollars in the pocket.

207 upvotes • neighbourhoodweirdo
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My wife got extremely made at me when a spent all our savings on a very high end stereo system.

200 upvotes • moneybot
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