/u/BaronBigly's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

After we got home from the hospital my dad sat me down and said “Look, it’s not all that hard to kill yourself, so when someone ‘tries to’ it’s usually just a cry for help.”

243 upvotes

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After years of watching all my friends and family get selected before me while I wasted away on this dying planet surviving off the terrible government issued protein bars, I was finally selected for the next starship voyage to the new world.

108 upvotes

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He couldn’t stop masturbating. NSFW

83 upvotes

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Facing imminent death, in sheer desperation he jumped into his copilots custom molded spacesuit and slammed the button to seal and pressurize.

70 upvotes

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I got hit by a car while jogging and now I’m lying in a ditch with a broken hip, but at least the dumbass is pulling over to see if I’m okay.

64 upvotes

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When my now fiancé didn’t even hesitate to opt for the expensive operation for his dog, it made me realize he’s the one because he’d clearly make a great father.

55 upvotes

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And so, while the end-of-the-world scenario will be rife with unimaginable horrors,

50 upvotes

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I always found it adorable the way one of the local stray dogs would bring a leaf to my shop every day as “payment” for a snack.

49 upvotes

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I listened to the veterans—grown men—crying as they described the horrors of war.

39 upvotes

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Were you at a cheap motel last weekend having kinky sex with and getting peed on by a young man?

34 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
After we got home from the hospital my dad sat me down and said “Look, it’s not all that hard to kill yourself, so when someone ‘tries to’ it’s usually just a cry for help.”	243
After years of watching all my friends and family get selected before me while I wasted away on this dying planet surviving off the terrible government issued protein bars, I was finally selected for the next starship voyage to the new world.	108
He couldn’t stop masturbating. NSFW	83
Facing imminent death, in sheer desperation he jumped into his copilots custom molded spacesuit and slammed the button to seal and pressurize.	70
I got hit by a car while jogging and now I’m lying in a ditch with a broken hip, but at least the dumbass is pulling over to see if I’m okay.	64
When my now fiancé didn’t even hesitate to opt for the expensive operation for his dog, it made me realize he’s the one because he’d clearly make a great father.	55
And so, while the end-of-the-world scenario will be rife with unimaginable horrors,	50
I always found it adorable the way one of the local stray dogs would bring a leaf to my shop every day as “payment” for a snack.	49
I listened to the veterans—grown men—crying as they described the horrors of war.	39
Were you at a cheap motel last weekend having kinky sex with and getting peed on by a young man?	34