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/u/Embarrassingleader7's posts

My enemies describe me as a huge asshole.

9 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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Mommy, I'm scared to go to hell because I can't speak in tongues.

8 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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Because she was a vicious tricycle, we nicknamed her the Beast.

8 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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Speed dating is what the highway is all about.

8 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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"Mom, I'm not ready to grow up," I say.

7 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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A robber is the name given to a land thief, so what is the name given to a sea thief?

7 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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My partner and I had a fight about shampoo brands, and he dubbed me a simpleton for using TRESemmé.

7 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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Why can't C++ programmers stay in a relationship?

7 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceComedy
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My brother used to tell me lies, and one of them was that people don't stare into the sun because they'd acquire x-ray vision.

7 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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At a haunted house event, a chainsaw-wielding actor ran up to youngsters while shouting to frighten them.

6 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceHorror
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