/u/JudgeJudyApproved's posts
[WP] After being married to the Princess for 70 years, you have just learned that the Dragon you defeated in order to marry her was actually her best-friend. Unfortunately, the Dragon is back for revenge, and you, age 88, can't talk to it because you can't remember where you put your teeth.
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[WP] When the heroes arrive on their holy quest to defeat the Necromancer, they discover their help is unwanted by the population. He's a benevolent dictator, using the undead to improve his subjects' lives by doing the boring or dangerous jobs. There is no army of darkness.
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[WP] A genie comes out of the wallet you just found, and hands you a 20 sided die. "Thank you for finding my lost wallet. I grant you a roll on the random reward table." You roll a 1.
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[WP] Since you were small, you have always dreamt of being a superhero. Last week you got the job! It's just too bad on the day of super-power assignment, you overslept and got stuck with the last available super-power nobody else wanted.
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[WP] "Are you broken?" Queen Crowe asked, scowling at her magic mirror as her curved nails traced it's reflective edge, searching for flaws. "I asked you to show me the most foul, evil, and corrupt creatures in the land, so why do you showing me young children?"
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[EU] "Welcome to Team Rocket efficiency and lethality training. I'm your host, Borden, and this is Bidoof. Today I will be demonstrating how to use the cutest Pokemon ever for their super-evil hidden capabilities."
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[WP] Most rangers choose intelligent animal-companions with desirable survival traits, like wolves, hawks, horses, or large cats. Not Gob. Gob chose his farm's prize-winning giant pig as his wilderness companion, then set out to teach it basic intelligence.
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[WP] After your first lesson, you'll never forget how easily riding the Village Dragon came to you. You'll also never forget the perplexed look on Greg the Riding Instructor's face when you asked him whether the Dragon has ever whispered to anyone else that she is their mother.
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[WP] For three years running, Van Helsing's Italian Bistro has won the New York Times' Best Slice in the City award for their "vampire-killer" garlic pizza. This time is going to be different though, because Witch House Pizza on 34th st. has spent all year brewing their secret pizza topping.
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[WP] The CEO of Fun Time Travel Vacations Inc. presses a large red button on the phone on his desk, ringing his assistant. "Cheryl, can you call the janitor please? Another time-traveler has mysteriously died in my office after begging me to shut down the company." That's the fifth this week.
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