/u/NoNoNotLikeThatAgain's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

I recently joined workaholics anonymous to help with my addictive behavior.

406 upvotes

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I've always found it strange that people who commit credit card fraud are charged.

313 upvotes

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This morning I told life I was tired of feeling down and I didn't care how many lemons it threw at me because I knew I could make lemonade.

279 upvotes

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"In ten years an alien race will remove the smartest of us from the planet."

182 upvotes

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My grandfather was struck blind while sailing the Atlantic.

64 upvotes

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The accident seemed really minor and even though he was insisting it was my fault I cracked open my new bottle of whiskey and offered to let the out of town driver have a sip as a gesture of goodwill.

38 upvotes

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Last week I lost my job as a telephone psychic.

15 upvotes

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Gaia threw me out so fast I almost forgot to collect my demonstrator and the catalog of floor cleaning equipment.

12 upvotes

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I bought a new computer and software specially designed to detect extraterrestrial life.

11 upvotes

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Silent but deadly, the fart monster approaches

9 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I recently joined workaholics anonymous to help with my addictive behavior.	406
I've always found it strange that people who commit credit card fraud are charged.	313
This morning I told life I was tired of feeling down and I didn't care how many lemons it threw at me because I knew I could make lemonade.	279
"In ten years an alien race will remove the smartest of us from the planet."	182
My grandfather was struck blind while sailing the Atlantic.	64
The accident seemed really minor and even though he was insisting it was my fault I cracked open my new bottle of whiskey and offered to let the out of town driver have a sip as a gesture of goodwill.	38
Last week I lost my job as a telephone psychic.	15
Gaia threw me out so fast I almost forgot to collect my demonstrator and the catalog of floor cleaning equipment.	12
I bought a new computer and software specially designed to detect extraterrestrial life.	11
Silent but deadly, the fart monster approaches	9