/u/PistachioPug's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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The hardest thing about committing the perfect murder is not choosing your method, timing everything just right, or covering your tracks afterward.

22 upvotes

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When I exult in the latest developments in the field of artificial intelligence, people ask if I ever worry the machines will get too smart and declare war on the human race.

19 upvotes

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"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," they say, an utterly exhausted bromide promising a silver lining to life's trials.

19 upvotes

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Six months after I buried her, I went to the police station and turned myself in.

19 upvotes

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[OCT21] As I stumbled off the roller coaster, I lurched dizzily for the nearest trash can and vomited up three corn dogs and a funnel cake.

17 upvotes

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I used to go out sometimes and sit by my dog's grave, although it never felt real to me that she was there, a few inches below the stone we'd had engraved with her name.

14 upvotes

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My wife's last words were "You'll be sorry."

11 upvotes

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I never understood why we were taught to fear the spirits of the dead - how could I ever be afraid of Grandma?

9 upvotes

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When my New Agey friend suggested my lifelong phobia of needles might have something to do with my traumatic death in a previous incarnation, I let her talk me into a past-life regression session with her hypnotist.

9 upvotes

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As California's foremost activist in favor of the death penalty, I'm used to bleeding-heart liberals getting up in my face to hiss "How do you sleep?"

7 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
The hardest thing about committing the perfect murder is not choosing your method, timing everything just right, or covering your tracks afterward.	22
When I exult in the latest developments in the field of artificial intelligence, people ask if I ever worry the machines will get too smart and declare war on the human race.	19
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," they say, an utterly exhausted bromide promising a silver lining to life's trials.	19
Six months after I buried her, I went to the police station and turned myself in.	19
[OCT21] As I stumbled off the roller coaster, I lurched dizzily for the nearest trash can and vomited up three corn dogs and a funnel cake.	17
I used to go out sometimes and sit by my dog's grave, although it never felt real to me that she was there, a few inches below the stone we'd had engraved with her name.	14
My wife's last words were "You'll be sorry."	11
I never understood why we were taught to fear the spirits of the dead - how could I ever be afraid of Grandma?	9
When my New Agey friend suggested my lifelong phobia of needles might have something to do with my traumatic death in a previous incarnation, I let her talk me into a past-life regression session with her hypnotist.	9
As California's foremost activist in favor of the death penalty, I'm used to bleeding-heart liberals getting up in my face to hiss "How do you sleep?"	7