/u/RuPaulsDragHeist's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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I've been an exorcist for over 40 years, so I can tell you that the worst demons aren't the dramatic ones you see in Hollywood movies.

4719 upvotes

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Times are changing, so demons and spirits have had to change with them.

60 upvotes

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Most people hate it when old acquaintances contact them out of nowhere to sell garbage, but I don't.

55 upvotes

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When we were kids, we would never bike near the abandoned farmhouse on Breyer Road because we heard it was haunted

31 upvotes

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When I first reached Hell, I thought the silence was so serene and soothing

30 upvotes

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One thing I didnt expect after I lost 300 pounds is that I'd have all of this excess skin

28 upvotes

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Strangling and dismembering is the easy part

27 upvotes

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I'll admit to you all openly that I regret having my terrible son

21 upvotes

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When I found the genie's lamp, I should have thought through my wish to find my soulmate and be with her forever

20 upvotes

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When the angel first told me I was Jesus reincarnate and had to make blood offerings to God, I felt like I had no choice but to obey her.

16 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I've been an exorcist for over 40 years, so I can tell you that the worst demons aren't the dramatic ones you see in Hollywood movies.	4719
Times are changing, so demons and spirits have had to change with them.	60
Most people hate it when old acquaintances contact them out of nowhere to sell garbage, but I don't.	55
When we were kids, we would never bike near the abandoned farmhouse on Breyer Road because we heard it was haunted	31
When I first reached Hell, I thought the silence was so serene and soothing	30
One thing I didnt expect after I lost 300 pounds is that I'd have all of this excess skin	28
Strangling and dismembering is the easy part	27
I'll admit to you all openly that I regret having my terrible son	21
When I found the genie's lamp, I should have thought through my wish to find my soulmate and be with her forever	20
When the angel first told me I was Jesus reincarnate and had to make blood offerings to God, I felt like I had no choice but to obey her.	16