/u/Terpsichorean_Wombat's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

I tried to tell people that I can speak to cats, but even my friends just laughed and started calling me "Pussy Boy."

8460 upvotes

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When I ran the first test on my time machine by pulling a small object back into my present, I laughed when I saw that I had gotten, of all things, a "TV Guide" from 2043.

867 upvotes

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I can never seem to catch the housemaid in, and I really need to talk to her.

635 upvotes

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I was enjoying Pokemon Go, although some of the place names were a little weird.

171 upvotes

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Friggin' Jehovah's Witnesses woke me up at 8 AM after a long night shift to ask me if my soul was saved by friggin' Jesus.

129 upvotes

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[DEC2020] I kicked out of the outlet pipe, lungs burning, and shot up through the freezing lake water toward sunlight.

124 upvotes

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It was right in the middle of me yelling at the police officer, demanding to know why the hell they'd charged through my door and telling them they were damned lucky my kids were at school and not here to be terrorized.

116 upvotes

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I understand: not every federal program can be funded, and in this tough economic downturn, it makes sense to slash less vital programs like grants for the arts or space exploration.

62 upvotes

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When I put up the string of fairy lights around my room, I smiled at the warmth and simply beauty their light created.

56 upvotes

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[JULY 2020] "Help me, I can't find that last lug nut," said my dad as I knelt beside him helping to change mom's tire.

27 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I tried to tell people that I can speak to cats, but even my friends just laughed and started calling me "Pussy Boy."	8460
When I ran the first test on my time machine by pulling a small object back into my present, I laughed when I saw that I had gotten, of all things, a "TV Guide" from 2043.	867
I can never seem to catch the housemaid in, and I really need to talk to her.	635
I was enjoying Pokemon Go, although some of the place names were a little weird.	171
Friggin' Jehovah's Witnesses woke me up at 8 AM after a long night shift to ask me if my soul was saved by friggin' Jesus.	129
[DEC2020] I kicked out of the outlet pipe, lungs burning, and shot up through the freezing lake water toward sunlight.	124
It was right in the middle of me yelling at the police officer, demanding to know why the hell they'd charged through my door and telling them they were damned lucky my kids were at school and not here to be terrorized.	116
I understand: not every federal program can be funded, and in this tough economic downturn, it makes sense to slash less vital programs like grants for the arts or space exploration.	62
When I put up the string of fairy lights around my room, I smiled at the warmth and simply beauty their light created.	56
[JULY 2020] "Help me, I can't find that last lug nut," said my dad as I knelt beside him helping to change mom's tire.	27