/u/_HeyGFY_'s posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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Three hours into his drive, the trucker couldn't imagine why he was being pulled over on the interstate, especially since the speed of his vehicle was regulated at 65 mph.

2992 upvotes

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"When we get out of this basement," she said, "we're going to have to call to report all these bones and body parts."

940 upvotes

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Carol grinned confidently as Maury read the results: "When it comes to six-month-old Michael...David, you are the father."

579 upvotes

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My uncle Dave used to say, "There's more than one way to skin a cat."

347 upvotes

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My surgeon assured me that he used dissolvable thread to stitch me up and that he covered the incisions with liquid skin that would start to fall off after a couple weeks.

46 upvotes

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I lived 93 years adhering to the principles of my faith, believing in the reward that was promised to me once my soul was released from this earthly vessel.

42 upvotes

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As I said good night to each of the guests at my bed-and-breakfast, I couldn't help but wonder how heavily each of them would sleep.

26 upvotes

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Dave was worried because, for four consecutive nights, he had been awakened by Anna rushing to the bathroom and throwing up.

10 upvotes

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I caught the faint smell of food, and instinctively signaled my friends and family to follow me.

10 upvotes

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I'm not much for impulse buys, but I couldn't resist the gallon jug of fresh squeezed lemonade on the shelf at the truckstop.

10 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
Three hours into his drive, the trucker couldn't imagine why he was being pulled over on the interstate, especially since the speed of his vehicle was regulated at 65 mph.	2992
"When we get out of this basement," she said, "we're going to have to call to report all these bones and body parts."	940
Carol grinned confidently as Maury read the results: "When it comes to six-month-old Michael...David, you are the father."	579
My uncle Dave used to say, "There's more than one way to skin a cat."	347
My surgeon assured me that he used dissolvable thread to stitch me up and that he covered the incisions with liquid skin that would start to fall off after a couple weeks.	46
I lived 93 years adhering to the principles of my faith, believing in the reward that was promised to me once my soul was released from this earthly vessel.	42
As I said good night to each of the guests at my bed-and-breakfast, I couldn't help but wonder how heavily each of them would sleep.	26
Dave was worried because, for four consecutive nights, he had been awakened by Anna rushing to the bathroom and throwing up.	10
I caught the faint smell of food, and instinctively signaled my friends and family to follow me.	10
I'm not much for impulse buys, but I couldn't resist the gallon jug of fresh squeezed lemonade on the shelf at the truckstop.	10