/u/apathiest58's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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Ran listened patiently, trying to avoid rolling his eyes, as his neighbor ranted on about lizard people secretly ruling the earth.

248 upvotes

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I thought the gentle hummm soothing, and my little friends took such delight in the flowers I brought them.

83 upvotes

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Everything I needed to learn I learned in kindergarten

64 upvotes

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The wizard raised his hands and muttered until he was certain all the enchantment had been removed.

23 upvotes

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I told my employees to think of work as family.

20 upvotes

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Only decades after sending a message to the stars, the aliens sent a reply.

13 upvotes

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She didn't believe in monsters, so she never cared about her feet dangling over the edge of the bed while she slept.

4 upvotes

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My money doesn't jiggle, it folds.

1 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
Ran listened patiently, trying to avoid rolling his eyes, as his neighbor ranted on about lizard people secretly ruling the earth.	248
I thought the gentle hummm soothing, and my little friends took such delight in the flowers I brought them.	83
Everything I needed to learn I learned in kindergarten	64
The wizard raised his hands and muttered until he was certain all the enchantment had been removed.	23
I told my employees to think of work as family.	20
Only decades after sending a message to the stars, the aliens sent a reply.	13
She didn't believe in monsters, so she never cared about her feet dangling over the edge of the bed while she slept.	4
My money doesn't jiggle, it folds.	1