/u/awesomo_prime's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

"Nothing is free," Santa said while dragging his sack towards the chimney with my sister in it.

258 upvotes

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I put my niece to clean the kitchen so she can buy herself a bicycle with chore money.

215 upvotes

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I overheard my wife talking to fridge about the best way to murder me.

213 upvotes

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Santa gave me a shotgun.

205 upvotes

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Too broke for even the cheapest insurance, Jeff gave little Debbie some alcohol to ease her pain.

198 upvotes

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"Being bitten is better than a recession", declared the governor.

189 upvotes

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"The only good cop is a dead cop," the man remarked before executing the new recruit.

145 upvotes

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea, with concrete up to their knees?

144 upvotes

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My girlfriend told me that Elf on the shelf is creeping her out.

132 upvotes

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After the officer put me in the back of the squad car, he turned off his dash cam, body camera, and responder.

119 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
"Nothing is free," Santa said while dragging his sack towards the chimney with my sister in it.	258
I put my niece to clean the kitchen so she can buy herself a bicycle with chore money.	215
I overheard my wife talking to fridge about the best way to murder me.	213
Santa gave me a shotgun.	205
Too broke for even the cheapest insurance, Jeff gave little Debbie some alcohol to ease her pain.	198
"Being bitten is better than a recession", declared the governor.	189
"The only good cop is a dead cop," the man remarked before executing the new recruit.	145
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea, with concrete up to their knees?	144
My girlfriend told me that Elf on the shelf is creeping her out.	132
After the officer put me in the back of the squad car, he turned off his dash cam, body camera, and responder.	119