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/u/ceo_of_the_apes's posts

As I finally finished my masterwork, my magnum opus, my partner came in to tell me:

1450 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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I change my daughter's intravenous bag because she keeps allowing the doctors to poison her to death!

1047 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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I was tired of her son bullying me, I punched him in the face for all the broken bones and scars I had, hoping it would end my pains.

581 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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I wonder what they used to make this pencil, the graphite is so smooth and loving, like a brother!

509 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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"Selling 4ft tall coffin"

296 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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My cat was taken away for...

161 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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My son, struggling in school, looked up to me and asked why I help him so much.

134 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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Jerry bought a disreputable toaster.

124 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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I spilled water, and mopped it up calmly.

123 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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"It's just laxatives... Try it :)"

118 upvotes • r/TwoSentenceSadness
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