/u/derp_runner's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

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Only show posts with narrations

“Try going to the cafeteria during lunch,” I advised my son, keeping my voice low so his brothers wouldn’t hear.

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“You will be killed by a stranger with your face,” the old psychic declared.

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“Adults must facilitate the evacuation of minor dependents PRIOR TO self-evacuation,” blared the emergency alert system.

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To pay off my medical debt from my complex pregnancy, I enrolled my sons in a randomized controlled twin experiment examining the effects of various torture methods on brain development.

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“God, you’re a fucking cow,” I hissed as my pregnant wife waddled to the bathroom.

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“You’re going to need a few more stitches,” the voice said, and my heart sank.

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“I’ll be the King,” I offered, my voice shaking.

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“Your complimentary 5 minutes are up for this calendar year,” the woman said, before the call disconnected.

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“The death penalty is not an appropriate sentence for this crime, given your young age.”

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As the famine dragged on, I wondered whether the cat would eat my body when I finally succumbed.

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
“Try going to the cafeteria during lunch,” I advised my son, keeping my voice low so his brothers wouldn’t hear.	1
“You will be killed by a stranger with your face,” the old psychic declared.	1
“Adults must facilitate the evacuation of minor dependents PRIOR TO self-evacuation,” blared the emergency alert system.	1
To pay off my medical debt from my complex pregnancy, I enrolled my sons in a randomized controlled twin experiment examining the effects of various torture methods on brain development.	1
“God, you’re a fucking cow,” I hissed as my pregnant wife waddled to the bathroom.	1
“You’re going to need a few more stitches,” the voice said, and my heart sank.	1
“I’ll be the King,” I offered, my voice shaking.	1
“Your complimentary 5 minutes are up for this calendar year,” the woman said, before the call disconnected.	1
“The death penalty is not an appropriate sentence for this crime, given your young age.”	1
As the famine dragged on, I wondered whether the cat would eat my body when I finally succumbed.	1