/u/issr's posts in /r/onionheadlines
Trump Blasts VP Pick Walz: "They Picked A Former Teacher, And Let Me Tell You Every Teacher I Ever Knew Was A Failure. They All Gave Up, Saying 'I Can't Get Blood From A Stone'. There Was Definitely A Lot Of Failure In There, Trust Me."
1475 upvotes
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Trump Opens New Website: "It's TrumpTithe.com. You Can Tithe Directly, No Need To Go To Church, You Can Do It From Your Living Room. And If You're One Of Those Religions That Doesn't Tithe, Maybe It's Time To Start. So Go To TrumpTithe.com: Donate Your Money Directly To God, Through Me. Thank You."
214 upvotes
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Trump Blames Poland For Dropping Poll Numbers "Its Rigged. Its All Rigged. I Don't Know What Poland Has Against Me But We'll Look Into That. Would You Believe They Showed Me Where It Is And Its Not Even A State?
205 upvotes
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Reeling From The Merciless Assault By The Word "Weird", GOP Looks On In Horror As Dems Pull Out A Thesaurus.
63 upvotes
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Not To Be Outdone By RFK Dropping Bear Carcass In Central Park, Trump Notes That He's Done That Before, Only He Also Dropped The Corpses Of A Reindeer And An Ostrich.
50 upvotes
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In Show Of Unity, Harris Campaign Take 500M Life Ins. Policy On Trump. "The GOP Should Be Not At All Ashamed And Disgusted To Select A Felon, Rapist, Fraudster, Defamer, Racist, Misogynist, Immature, Insecure, Narcissist... [Continues For 30 Minutes] And Great (Wink) Golfer As Their Best Example.
20 upvotes
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Trump Incredulous As Prosecutor Uses Own Statements Without First Introducing Them As Eviden... Wait... Sorry. This Just In: That Was A Publicity Event, Not A Prosecution. Trump - "I Have So Many Of Both It Hard To Tell Them Apart Sometimes"
10 upvotes
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Addressing Own Statements Regarding Harris' Race, Trump Vows To Consult J.D. Vance Ahead Of Next Event. "Look, JD's Gonna Help Me With This One, OK? I Mean Not With The Whites, Because They're Easy. But He's Gonna Help Me With The Vermin. We Will Get This Right Next Time."
4 upvotes
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