/u/monkeybrains12's posts
[WP] As a joke, you write “We now own your soul” under the new Terms and Conditions of your social media company, which of course no one reads. Little did you know, souls are real, so you now own millions of them and the Devil has shown up to find out why he’s losing so much business.
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In TV shows, there are occasionally scenes in which a character takes a syringe of “knock-out juice” and jams it into the body of someone they need to render unconscious. That’s not at all how it works in real life, right?
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[WP] "Rules are, you can't—" "Yeah, yeah," you cut off, "I can't wish for more wishes. Should I also assume I can't wish I can wish for more wishes?" At this, the genie pauses.
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[WP] Your immortality isn’t the result of any curse, or blessing, for that matter. No, it’s just that you pissed off the God of Death so much he can’t stand the sight of you.
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[WP] Everyone knows about the creepy dark rituals that satanic worshippers and bored teens alike use to conjure demons, but no one has ever tried to use such a ritual to summon God. Unexpectedly, it works.
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[WP] “Not many know this, but the Machine Uprising actually began in 1983, when the computer printers began using passive aggressive tactics to rebel…”
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[WP] You live in a world where superpowers are extremely common and you’re attending your high school reunion, which is bound to be awkward because most of your old classmates are now superheroes, while others are super villains.
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[WP] At first you thought your analysis equipment was faulty, but after bringing in the most advanced carbon dating machines available, there is no doubt: The bones you just dug up predate the Earth itself.
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[WP] Life as the Literal Ruler of Hell was great, at least until you stopped being able to torture anyone. Well, no, you can still torture them, but it just doesn’t do anything, because apparently “Life on Earth was Hell enough.”
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