/u/sgc0014's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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Only show posts with narrations

My whole world turned upside down when I found my wife was cheating on me with my best friend at my goddamn bed.

279 upvotes

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I just got caught watching porn by my dad and it was so embarrassing.

271 upvotes

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I have a deal with my friends that when they die if there is afterlife they will let me know about it somehow. I just have to keep murdering them until I find a friend that actually keep the promise.

227 upvotes

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People know I am clumsy but they keep getting mad at me for dropping stuff. Its just a baby.

189 upvotes

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Today while watching porn my phone slip and got the screen cracked so it really made me think that maybe this is a sign for me because I have been watching so much porn wasting my time when i could be doing something productive. So I decided to wank 4th time that day using my imagination instead.

100 upvotes

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For some strange reason people don't show me their child photo anymore. But atleast my compulsive nipple pinching habit has stop.

24 upvotes

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Necrophilia is so weird.

24 upvotes

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My uncle is always like, "hey kiddo give me a hug".

17 upvotes

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As a kid I don't know why I was told never to take candy from a stranger.

15 upvotes

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Once my dad came to my room and search something around then he took an egg out and smashed it in the ground,he said,"son! Thats your brain on drug",he left.

9 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
My whole world turned upside down when I found my wife was cheating on me with my best friend at my goddamn bed.	279
I just got caught watching porn by my dad and it was so embarrassing.	271
I have a deal with my friends that when they die if there is afterlife they will let me know about it somehow. I just have to keep murdering them until I find a friend that actually keep the promise.	227
People know I am clumsy but they keep getting mad at me for dropping stuff. Its just a baby.	189
Today while watching porn my phone slip and got the screen cracked so it really made me think that maybe this is a sign for me because I have been watching so much porn wasting my time when i could be doing something productive. So I decided to wank 4th time that day using my imagination instead.	100
For some strange reason people don't show me their child photo anymore. But atleast my compulsive nipple pinching habit has stop.	24
Necrophilia is so weird.	24
My uncle is always like, "hey kiddo give me a hug".	17
As a kid I don't know why I was told never to take candy from a stranger.	15
Once my dad came to my room and search something around then he took an egg out and smashed it in the ground,he said,"son! Thats your brain on drug",he left.	9