/u/willyolio's posts
[WP] You have all the advantages, and disadvantages, of a video game hero. You can punch out elemental gods, but you cannot open a locked box. You can suplex a battleship, but a child can block you from walking down a hallway. You backflip-dodge bullets, but you can't jump over knee-high fences.
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[WP] "Would you trust a martini mixed by a bartender who never drinks? Or a steak cooked by a vegetarian? Then why trust the postmortem report by someone who has never died before?" asked the Lich.
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[WP] "It has been determined that Humans are no longer an endangered species. Earth is no longer a restricted zone and open hunting may begin."
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[WP] On the 28th of June 2009, Stephen Hawking threw a party for time travellers, only sending out invitations the day after. He says nobody came. He just didn't remember because he got totally shitfaced partying with all the time travellers, who consider the party a must-see tourist attraction.
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[WP] You're a KGB double agent the CIA sent to infiltrate the FBI who got you join the Mafia who got you a position to sabotage the Yakuza, who placed you in a corporate job to spy on the CEO who wants you to pretend to be the Prime Minister's aide. But they don't know who you really work for.
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[WP] As a biblical scholar, you discover that the Rapture has already come and gone. It's just that so few people ascend that nobody notices. Also, the forces of the Apocalypse are so minor that everyday levels of war, famine, pestilence and death that we deal with completely eclipse it.
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[WP] "We can't allow that, Mr. Hero. The evil villain employs far too many people as henchmen; his defeat would be disastrous for the local economy. Also, dragons are an endangered species and his castle is a heritage site."
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[WP] Everybody gets a superpower, but nobody has any secondary superpowers. People who spawn fire aren't fireproof. Super-speeders have normal reaction times. Super-strong people have normal joints.
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[WP] In an effort to summon the god of death, a dark cult sacrifices the lives of hundreds of people as an offering to him. At the end of the ritual, the god shows up and says, "Why would any of you think giving me more work was an appropriate gift?"
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