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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I promise I have a six pack. It’s just protected by a layer of fat.

96 upvotes • [deleted]
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"Ever since this sickness started, my daughter has been in and out of hospitals every day," said the man at the bar.

96 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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i have the biggest dick in my class. NSFW

96 upvotes • [deleted]
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Costco is a great place to go to see how far we've come as a species.

96 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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"Bloody Mary...Bloody Mary... Bloody Mary!" a familiar voice called out to me.

96 upvotes • [deleted]
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I had sunk to a new low.

96 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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“Will I ever be real?” Pinocchio wondered aloud as he lay staring at the bedroom ceiling. NSFW

96 upvotes • empathysuite
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My wish was to forever have $1,000,000 in my bank account.

96 upvotes • classyraven
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spungbob

95 upvotes • Thouxanfauni
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I stared out of the glass and saw my soon-to-be new owner smiling at me

95 upvotes • Burnt-Toast24
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