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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

Me wife said I had no sense of direction

382 upvotes • Cantwaitforhitmanvr
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I awoke to a horrible stench from my daughter's crib.

381 upvotes • S93C141
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I shivered with terror, my hand gripping the phone, as the man with my voice said that there would be hell to pay when he finds me.

379 upvotes • cindybubbles
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I found my ex-girlfriend snuggled up to me in my bed. NSFW

379 upvotes • cindybubbles
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A Mexican, a Jew, a black man, a midget and a priest walk into a bar.

378 upvotes • [deleted]
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What do you say after building a well?

378 upvotes • Tramelo
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I lost my virginity on my wedding night, but my new bride said not to worry as it was her first time too.

376 upvotes • Remergent4Now
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Did you hear that actress was killed last night, Reese..

375 upvotes • Mr-Crooks
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I walked into my room and catch my roommate smelling my panties.

375 upvotes • stevethewatcher
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Dear Santa, can I please have a new set of toys to play with?

374 upvotes • modernisedtypewriter
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