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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

The man in front of me said, "I'll have the usual."

15 upvotes • luigidudeIR
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During my previous session, my therapist had the audacity to tell me he thinks I have a sex addiction.

15 upvotes • scoot_da_fut
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Yesterday I asked a beautiful homeless lady if I could take her home.

15 upvotes • [deleted]
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The dogs yawned and promised they would keep watch but I had been fooled by them before.

15 upvotes • MammothJury4532
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[NSFW]Did you know Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was supposed to be an adult movie but there was a mixup in the casting call? NSFW

15 upvotes • GrimmRetails
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He invaded the Polish Corridor. NSFW

15 upvotes • Thatoneguythatsweird
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William Shatner

15 upvotes • TheWhollyGhost
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I’m banned from every single fortune teller and tarot card reader in my city.

15 upvotes • RedWestern
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“Thomas Jefferson lives.”

15 upvotes • Standard_Emu6202
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Hey, did you hear that someone stole the toilet in the police station?

15 upvotes • HybridPumpkin
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