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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

"I'm afraid I have bad news," said the doctor.

539 upvotes • normancrane
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Under no circumstances should you ever Stab someone unironically.

539 upvotes • Al1027
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I broke up with my imaginary girlfriend

538 upvotes • jezarius
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There I was, watching my business go down the drain.

533 upvotes • Intrepid_Wanderer
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I once was married to a pothole. NSFW

517 upvotes • [deleted]
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A cop pulls a man over for doing 120mph and says if can explain why he was going so fast, he might let him off with just a ticket.

516 upvotes • [deleted]
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When my mom yelled my name from downstairs, I came as fast as I could.

516 upvotes • dailydonuts16
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I hugged my brother one final time as the gas surrounded us.

513 upvotes • HarounaBoi
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My Girlfriend and I argued over whether it was pronounced "zebra" or "zeebra".

512 upvotes • [deleted]
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They told me that DOOM was a fictional game

512 upvotes • Kerosene_kerosensei
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