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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

You heard a tap at the door.

368 upvotes • emzawemza05
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I laughed at how the news channel's typo spelled "CORVID-19 Emergency" on my TV screen as I put on my shoes to take out the trash.

366 upvotes • Kerosene_kerosensei
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Why is 9 the best number for food

364 upvotes • mr_mike-2004
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"Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"

362 upvotes • Tramelo
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My brother kept complaining about how uniforms "stifle creativity and oppress others by promoting conformity".

362 upvotes • cindybubbles
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Guys 2020 is finally over

361 upvotes • Aarav_Sinha10
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I hope I die quietly in my sleep like my dad...

360 upvotes • i_am_a_bot_764
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Oh God, it's a Zombie Invasion!!

357 upvotes • IronMongerVi
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The urge to not sing the lion sleeps tonight is tough.

357 upvotes • Ciocalatta
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I don’t really think I should have it checked out I mean if anything the lumps make the sex even better. NSFW

356 upvotes • epikness64
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