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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

You know what they say about dementia

189 upvotes • huge_ass_johnson
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People know I am clumsy but they keep getting mad at me for dropping stuff. Its just a baby.

189 upvotes • sgc0014
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My ass just made a huge, disgusting mess.

189 upvotes • IOughtToBeThrownAway
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Did you know that you can split sounds in a musical keyboard?

189 upvotes • Tramelo
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Roses are red, violets are blue...

188 upvotes • IOughtToBeThrownAway
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Did you hear about the chef who baked a cookie to resemble Hugh Laurie?

188 upvotes • CKO1967
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In today's top--or topless--story, nostalgic for her burlesque days, grandma grabbed her metal pasties and went for a breezy walk. NSFW

188 upvotes • smoke25ofd
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Last week I caught a burglar in my pajamas.

188 upvotes • CKO1967
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Dear Diary, my mother says masturbating can cause blindness, but I think she's full of shit

187 upvotes • TheOminousDarkness
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“One time I had sex with my wife and she told me she lost her day after pills”

187 upvotes • Thor2007
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