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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

"This is going to be the biggest stimulus package in US history!"

158 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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I admire tall people

158 upvotes • OreMysticCoolcumber
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My girlfriend is a radiographer

157 upvotes • PrettyHotPotatoPapi
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“Why am I even falling!?” Lucifer shrieked as he plummeted from heaven

157 upvotes • KailTheDryad
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After losing to me — again — he went into graphic detail about the things he would do to my mother.

157 upvotes • Outside_Normal
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I have been studying all night.

157 upvotes • LeapDayPizza
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“Today was the third day in a row your son fell asleep in my class.”

157 upvotes • LazyKittyNomNoms
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I’m light as a feather, but the strongest person in the worlds can’t hold me for 5 minutes. What am i?

157 upvotes • rs20923
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People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

157 upvotes • ImQuiteHappy44
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Don't take drugs.

156 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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