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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I placed the gun against my son's head and pulled the trigger, as I didn't want him to turn into one of those disgusting creatures.

114 upvotes • seriouslampshade
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Women actually love having sex

114 upvotes • [deleted]
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I was fingerbanging my cousin the other day. NSFW

114 upvotes • Ninth_SEAL
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I bought a Confederate flag

113 upvotes • Moist-City-5717
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In my experience, a truly apologetic woman does no express it verbally.

113 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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Illinois lieutenant governor bought $100 gummy bears on first day of weed legalization.

113 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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The serial killer said, "I like my women like I like my coffee!"

112 upvotes • lufaulk81
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"Didn't see you in camouflage practice today, Smith!"

112 upvotes • lydocia
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Love isn't about finding the best person in the world.

111 upvotes • EksVee15
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What did the naughty boy do with his big sister’s diary?

111 upvotes • FireProps
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