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/r/TwoSentenceHorror

When I first noticed blood, I told my mom right away.

1006 upvotes • PleaseEndMeFam
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I'm so lucky my coach offered to take me home after training today.

1006 upvotes • regular_wombat
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Every morning, he checked his shoes for scorpions or spiders before putting them on.

1006 upvotes • O-xy-moron
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I peeked through the door of the bathroom and saw the nerdy kid giving his bully a swirly.

1006 upvotes • celerysoup39
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We finally invented a machine that stops time except for one person!

1006 upvotes • Just_Ragnar
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I didn’t realize ants liked the taste of toothpaste until I went to brush my teeth.

1006 upvotes • cloudyonion
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"Hey guys!" I greeted my friends as I arrived to a party held by my clumsy friend, Marilyn, in celebration after having another baby.

1005 upvotes • [deleted]
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I ate a piece of candy, since nobody stopped by my house this Halloween.

1005 upvotes • cheeseycow_2
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It'll be any day now that I have my baby!

1005 upvotes • Adorable_Star_
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I spent my whole life trying to prove there is no god

1005 upvotes • Hiltzailea
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