/u/Captain_Fartbeard's posts
When the child energetically bounced down the stairs on Christmas morning, she found her parents lying mangled in a pool of blood and wrapping paper around the Christmas tree.
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[WP] You've never held a job in your life. While browsing the help wanted ads yet again, one in particular catches your eye. "Wanted: God"
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As I collapsed into her soft, silken arms, she whispered gently with an affectionate look in her mournful jet-black eyes, "I love you," and I knew she was the one.
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[WP] Science isn't your strong suit, as none of your experiments work. When you try to make a baking soda volcano, you somehow stumble upon the cure for cancer. A homemade build-a-battery kit builds a time machine instead. It's really quite frustrating.
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[WP] As king, you built a city encompassed by insurmountable walls to protect the terrified remains of humanity from the monsters outside. Nothing can get in or out. Unbeknownst to your subjects, you're actually a shape-shifting monster, and you've just built the first human farm.
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[WP] "What sorcery is this?" The King and his alchemists gawked as their eyes beheld the impossible. You watched with them as his bedridden son woke up for the first time in years, and smiled. "It's called science, your majesty."
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[WP] You are a great spirit who has haunted a large castle for centuries. Dozens of monster hunters and adventurers have journeyed from far and wide to fight you. After a particularly taxing fight, you decide to take a nap. You wake up 300 years later and discover your castle is now a "Wal-Mart."
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[WP] Aliens have invaded Earth and colonized Earth. You were wiped out in the initial attack but come back from the dead as a ghost, wandering amongst your enslaved fellow humans. The aliens have no idea what a ghost is. It's time for revenge.
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