/u/ClutchingMyTinkle's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.

498 upvotes

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I Used To Go Out With A Girl Who Punched Me In The Face When She Orgasmed... NSFW

443 upvotes

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When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens...

346 upvotes

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When My Girlfriend is Depressed, I Let Her Color in My Tattoos.

324 upvotes

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I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg and I said, "I bet I know what your favorite holiday is."

292 upvotes

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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-smoking".

285 upvotes

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I brought my grandmother to one of those fish spa places where the little fish eat your dead skin...

270 upvotes

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A Strange Woman Looked Into My Window This Morning and Saw Me Masturbating Furiously.

241 upvotes

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I Tried Changing My Password To 'BeefStew'

195 upvotes

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Well, I Didn't Make it to the Gym Today.

116 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.	498
I Used To Go Out With A Girl Who Punched Me In The Face When She Orgasmed... NSFW	443
When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens...	346
When My Girlfriend is Depressed, I Let Her Color in My Tattoos.	324
I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg and I said, "I bet I know what your favorite holiday is."	292
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-smoking".	285
I brought my grandmother to one of those fish spa places where the little fish eat your dead skin...	270
A Strange Woman Looked Into My Window This Morning and Saw Me Masturbating Furiously.	241
I Tried Changing My Password To 'BeefStew'	195
Well, I Didn't Make it to the Gym Today.	116