/u/Embarrassingleader7's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

I'll never be a dominatrix because it involves possibly stepping on a butt. NSFW

177 upvotes

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A cat may have one superpower, but it will also have a disadvantage, so what does a cat have when it surpasses advanced night vision? NSFW

116 upvotes

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Since we share a bathroom, I named my toilet spider Atom to humanize him. NSFW

77 upvotes

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My girlfriend forced me to sign a dating contract.

52 upvotes

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I've figured out the most effective way to spread holiday cheer.

45 upvotes

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The Sergeant would always blow a casket when things weren't in order, and when we gave him annoyed looks, he would yell at the men, threatening to wash the looks off our faces.

44 upvotes

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A rubber chicken world domination plan was made to capture Walmart and then the Whitehouse.

43 upvotes

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I pull out my hairs when I'm at parties.

38 upvotes

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What is red, white, and blue? NSFW

37 upvotes

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Why does Thor have such incredible strength?

25 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I'll never be a dominatrix because it involves possibly stepping on a butt. NSFW	177
A cat may have one superpower, but it will also have a disadvantage, so what does a cat have when it surpasses advanced night vision? NSFW	116
Since we share a bathroom, I named my toilet spider Atom to humanize him. NSFW	77
My girlfriend forced me to sign a dating contract.	52
I've figured out the most effective way to spread holiday cheer.	45
The Sergeant would always blow a casket when things weren't in order, and when we gave him annoyed looks, he would yell at the men, threatening to wash the looks off our faces.	44
A rubber chicken world domination plan was made to capture Walmart and then the Whitehouse.	43
I pull out my hairs when I'm at parties.	38
What is red, white, and blue? NSFW	37
Why does Thor have such incredible strength?	25