/u/GuyAwks's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Dear Foreign Minister, I hope this message finds you well.

447 upvotes

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“Our next speaker is someone who needs no introduction!” I told the excited audience.

392 upvotes

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I nearly started a stampede at the veterinarian’s today when I called my puppy over.

245 upvotes

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My entrepreneurial young son just told me he’s made 100,000 bucks using my iPad.

232 upvotes

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My buddy is still pissed at me for cockblocking him at the beach the other day.

221 upvotes

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“If you love someone, let them go and if they return to you, they were always yours.”

184 upvotes

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People always say that they wish they could turn back the clock in life.

143 upvotes

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The pollen grains exited their flowers as soon as possible.

82 upvotes

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“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

78 upvotes

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My first thought as I slowly come to is that I must have fallen off the wagon.

70 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
Dear Foreign Minister, I hope this message finds you well.	447
“Our next speaker is someone who needs no introduction!” I told the excited audience.	392
I nearly started a stampede at the veterinarian’s today when I called my puppy over.	245
My entrepreneurial young son just told me he’s made 100,000 bucks using my iPad.	232
My buddy is still pissed at me for cockblocking him at the beach the other day.	221
“If you love someone, let them go and if they return to you, they were always yours.”	184
People always say that they wish they could turn back the clock in life.	143
The pollen grains exited their flowers as soon as possible.	82
“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”	78
My first thought as I slowly come to is that I must have fallen off the wagon.	70