/u/KaiserArrowfield's posts
[WP] You are an ancient, sentient cursed sword known for corrupting even the most valiant and well-intentioned of heroes. However, you cannot corrupt the most recent hero whose hands you have fallen into - not because of their purity of heart, but because of their incorruptible cynicism.
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[WP] Most people would ask the genie for wealth, love, immortality, or something along those lines. You asked the genie for a permit which literally just said "I Can do What I Want" with your name signed under it, legally valid in every single country on Earth.
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[WP] "No," the Evil Emperor said to the demon lord "I will not sacrifice my captain of the guard to you. Not for all the power in the world. That is one line even I will not cross."
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[WP] It's become a well known fact throughout the intergalactic community that humans are incredibly cute, but one should not be lulled into a false sense of security by their cuteness, because humans are also fucking insane
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[WP] Everyone thinks the hero's wife is dead because of how sad he gets when he talks about her. However, she's alive and completely fine. He just hasn't seen her in years because he was forced to go on this stupid quest and misses her.
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[WP] During your tour with the Army of Ohio in 1864, an old woman living alone in a run down shack told you "You ain't immortal, they just ain't found a way to kill you yet". It's been 156 years and they still haven't found a way to kill you.
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[WP] The Monkey's Middle Finger: It's like the Monkey's Paw, except instead of granting wishes in the most needlessly horrific way possible it grants them in the most needlessly frustrating and inconvenient way possible
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[WP] For the last twenty years of your life, you have stood on the English coastline and yelled obscenities in the direction of France, as your father did, and his father before him for generations. You always liked to imagine someone on the French side doing the same, but never thought you'd meet.
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[WP] On Earth, there are monsters. Unspeakable horrors lurking in the dark corners of the world which science cannot explain and that hunger for flesh... and thousands of years of lesson after painful lesson has led them to be TERRIFIED of humans.
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