/u/Outside_Normal's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

My buddy gave me a shot of something he said would help me pass the polygraph.

45 upvotes

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"We do not grant you the rank of master," ruled the council.

40 upvotes

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My children asked me if it was called "Boxing Day" because of the way shoppers fought each other over the sales.

40 upvotes

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I asked the devout priest why his salads always tasted so heavenly.

39 upvotes

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Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog.

36 upvotes

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I, for one, shall never bow down before any sort of overlord.

35 upvotes

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I'm not saying my spouse is a difficult person...

35 upvotes

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It wasn't so much that it meant he WAS better than the rest of us.

35 upvotes

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The alien transmission from space was broadcasted simultaneously across the globe appearing on every electronic device from televisions and mobile phones, to smart lightbulbs and microwaves.

33 upvotes

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Taking pride in my penmanship I finished my text with quite the flourish.

32 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
My buddy gave me a shot of something he said would help me pass the polygraph.	45
"We do not grant you the rank of master," ruled the council.	40
My children asked me if it was called "Boxing Day" because of the way shoppers fought each other over the sales.	40
I asked the devout priest why his salads always tasted so heavenly.	39
Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog.	36
I, for one, shall never bow down before any sort of overlord.	35
I'm not saying my spouse is a difficult person...	35
It wasn't so much that it meant he WAS better than the rest of us.	35
The alien transmission from space was broadcasted simultaneously across the globe appearing on every electronic device from televisions and mobile phones, to smart lightbulbs and microwaves.	33
Taking pride in my penmanship I finished my text with quite the flourish.	32