/u/Outside_Normal's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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Only show posts with narrations

I heroically yanked the young man off the ledge of the bridge.

151 upvotes

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"With a name like 'Moosie' it's no wonder he became a complete penis-potato," stated the jock I was tutoring.

136 upvotes

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A solid five minutes had passed after I collapsed on the floor clutching my chest, yet nobody at the table budged an inch.

136 upvotes

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I don't think Jedi tell good jokes.

134 upvotes

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They tried to torture me by looping through the most annoying songs known to man.

130 upvotes

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I wonder if should hire myself out as an entertainer.

130 upvotes

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I never wanted kids.

128 upvotes

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My friend had proven he could stop and start time by appearing in front of me from down the block in the blink of an eye.

126 upvotes

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He told me, "I'll be taking care of a hot chick tonight, if you know what I mean."

125 upvotes

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During the airplane ride to where they were casting for a production of The Prisoner of Azkaban, my agent kept trying to dissuade me from auditioning for the role of Harry's godfather because I was female.

122 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I heroically yanked the young man off the ledge of the bridge.	151
"With a name like 'Moosie' it's no wonder he became a complete penis-potato," stated the jock I was tutoring.	136
A solid five minutes had passed after I collapsed on the floor clutching my chest, yet nobody at the table budged an inch.	136
I don't think Jedi tell good jokes.	134
They tried to torture me by looping through the most annoying songs known to man.	130
I wonder if should hire myself out as an entertainer.	130
I never wanted kids.	128
My friend had proven he could stop and start time by appearing in front of me from down the block in the blink of an eye.	126
He told me, "I'll be taking care of a hot chick tonight, if you know what I mean."	125
During the airplane ride to where they were casting for a production of The Prisoner of Azkaban, my agent kept trying to dissuade me from auditioning for the role of Harry's godfather because I was female.	122