/u/Paper_Shotgun's posts
[WP] As a lich, you have survived for millennia by not drawing anyone' attention as you life a quiet, peaceful life in your very remote manor. Then one day a deity appears before you and says, "Look, we've run out of villains for the heroes to fight, so stop lazing about and do something evil NOW!"
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Having lived to the ripe old age of 109, and having spent nearly a third of it confined to a wheelchair in a neglectful care home due to the same car crash that had killed the rest of her family, she were ready to pass on and meet them in heaven.
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[WP] You are considered by the government to be a person of mass destruction, under heavy guard in one of the best prisons they have. The reason for this? You're so clumsy that you've managed to kill everyone around you, and you know living in a glass cell 24/7 won't stop people around you dying.
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[WP] You have spent the last several thousand years trapped in a cell at the bottom of an old temple built by a long forgotten city-state, alone; so it's a surprise when a team of explorers accidentally dig into the chamber.
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I always made sure to sleep with a gun in my bed side cabinet, just in case i needed to protect my family.
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[WP] "Why aren't you stopping the supervillain? You're a cop, your whole job is to stopping people like him!" "Well, there is a difference between a supervillain and a criminal. Simply put, that guy may be a supervillain, but he technically hasn't commited any crimes so we can't arrest him."
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[WP] A magic kingdom is desperate for a hero to save them, so they try to summon a hero from another world. Instead of a hero, a SWAT team enter through the portal to arrest them for kidnapping children.
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[WP] At the head of the biggest crime ring on earth, people expect you really intelligent, as you fended off superheroes and villains for years. But you're actually dumb as you don't realise you're running a criminal empire, since your guards and servants deal with anything before they reach you.
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[WP] "Your only ability is telekinesis, and yet the system said you have a threat rating of 9? How is that possible?" "Well, you know that my power is to grab and move things with my mind, right?" "Yeah." "Well, that includes the internal organs of anyone near me."
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[WP] You live in a swamp, and your mama always told you "never go chasing any girls in the water at night, they're mermaids who'll get in your head and make you love them obsessively." It turns out that she wasn’t crazy, since you can clearly see a mermaid in the distance fighting off an alligator.
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